The Thanksgiving Turkey has been eaten, along with the leftovers and Santa Clause has come and gone. Shopping and wrapping were finished prior to Christmas Eve, so it made the holidays not so stressful.
Maia and I attended Christmas Eve mass with Rich. After the service we headed to the Kondikoff's for Eve festivities.
Maia slept until almost 8:00 in the morning, which is remarkable for a child knowing Santa came the night before! I was fighting off a bug, so I was a little under the weather on Christmas Day. Maia enjoyed her videos, baby dolls and WII games. Santa was good to Rich and I as well. Maia gave him the watch he sent to have repaired a few months back. It was his father's, so the sentimental value was gracious. We enjoyed the rest of Christmas Day at John & Mom's.
This season also gave me time to wonder where the past year has gone. Many of the months are foggy, but I think it is the body's way of dealing with pain. I spent the beginning of December with a major case of depression. I figured it may have happened sooner or later, but not the way I expected it. There are times in your life when you need to bite the bullet and seek help. I guess there is no better time than the present. I spent the past nine months running on survival mode, but never took the time to deal with the emotional side of cancer. It caught up to me. We all know how to grieve for the loss of a parent, friend and even pet. No one ever tells us how to grieve for ourselves. We think of it as being selfish and we can deal with it on our own. Grief will get you when you least expect it.
It was an eye-opening experience. I spent many hours with therapists and have a much better understanding. I wish I would have had the tools and information months ago...it would have saved my sanity!
We are looking forward to a New Year and a new life beginning. The small things in life have become wondrous. Time for ourselves in needed and it is ok to leave the dishes in the sink.
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