Expansion, mind over "matter"

I wonder if the Canadians have a boob up on us? In Canada, after a woman has a mastectomy, they undergo treatment(chemo, radiation, etc). Once they are completed, women then go back in to have expanders put in their chest to stretch the muscle tissue. Once they are to the size they want, the expanders are removed and the implants are put in.

Canadian women have time to adjust to being "flat" chested. They have time to heal. Heal both physically and even emotionally. I wonder now if waiting is better. The body needs to heal. Tissue needs to regrow, regenerate. Emotionally a woman needs to accept her new body. Yes, the thought of "perky" crosses our minds, but have we really accepted our loss in such a short time between mastectomy and new boobs?

Cancer is battle. Get it done, get me through this, get me well. Make me look like a woman again!

Why am I writing this almost two years later? Understanding what I know now after two additional surgeries. Finding out a good friend is having the same problems I had after her implants were placed. Telling her that I know it is not easy. Crying because I know the pain and anguish she is facing. Wanting to get back to life without having to worry about another surgery. To look in the mirror naked without shaking our heads. Just make me whole again! I am not sure when the emotional turmoil goes away.

So does it matter? Before or after? I guess this is the question. Who ever thought a piece of plastic filled with fluid could cause distress? I would love to meet a few more Canadians. Maybe they have the answer to the questions.

Long time

Guilty as charged. It has been a long time since I have updated this space. School is almost out of session, Rich is healing from his surgery(info to follow) and I have survived another visit to the oncologist.

Rich had another bought of diverticulitus, so they removed 8 inches of his intestine on April 30th. A few pounds lighter and a little less time for digestion:) He is healing well and will be returning to work next week.

We had a great visit with my father and stepmom this past weekend. There are so many wonderful places I would love to take them, but as I get older, it is great just to spend quality downtime with them. Maia and my niece and nephew really enjoy the time spent with them. It is the little things and the time together that mean the most.

My oncologist appointment went well. Normal routine of questions and bloodwork. So far no signs of reoccurance and I want to keep it that way.

I am looking forward to the end of June when friends return from Indonesia. Even though we skype, nothing beats a "good friend and a glass of wine"! Can't wait!

Fundraising for the 3 Day has begun. Walmart tables, fundraising events and training walks are scheduled. November will be here before we know it. More names to carry with me, will it ever end? More on the next blog.

Little One

Jenn & Jose's precious little Sophia arrived on October 28th. She weighed in at 5 lbs. 10 oz and 19 inches long. Mom and Dad are both getting adjusted to parenthood. Do we ever really get adjusted?

We go from feeding every 2-3 hours and diaper changing to rolling around and sitting up. We master sitting up to crawling. Childproofing awaits. They walk, run and learn. We are their teachers...somehow we have now become the know-it-alls and the master of the question children all ask "why?"

You now have a better understanding of the circle of life. What more precious to pass the path onto, but a child.

Patiently Waiting....

I guess I will not be getting any sleep tonight. Jenn called to tell me her water broke and they are on the way to the hospital. Baby "R" will be making her way into the world in a few hours. So here I am blogging to keep from pacing in excitement! You two will be fantastic parents.

Many years ago I found an incredible poem about childbirth. It is a poem I have never forgotten. Powerful...grab the tissues.

“A Child's Birth”

You learn a lot about living when a child is born.

You learn that pain can overwhelm and overtake and you wonder how your own mother survived.

You clench your fists and tear the sheets as life, entering life, tears your flesh.

And the moment you hold that tiny miracle, your heart rips open in a way you never knew before.

Your flesh will heal in time. You lie bleeding, not your flesh so much as your soul.

You know that every minute of every hour of every day you will be consumed with love.

And fear is the unwelcome guest that will ride upon love's new wings.

You touch your now-empty belly and mourn the life you once had all to yourself.

You hold this life, naked flesh to naked flesh. Nurse them to your breast,
rejoice that you can still provide what they need to survive....

You close your eyes and clutch their tiny fingers as they form to yours.

And in your heart you know that one day they will not be yours to hold
and you feel the tearing of your soul go even deeper.....

And again you wonder how your own mother survived.

How her sanity remained when her child was no more......

You learn a lot about living when a child is born.

— A poem by Delilah

11 Years

Happy Anniversary! To my wonderful husband....we have endured our share of troubles and triumphs. There is no one I would rather spend my life with. I love you!

Counting down

September has come and gone. I am grateful I can remember more of this year than last! The Breast Cancer 3 Day walk is a month away. I have had a few setbacks in my training. After battling fatigue, low grade fever and pelvic pain for 3-4 months, my appendix was taking out on the 9th. So with my tolerance being low, I was hit with the swine flu compliments of Maia. Feeling better each day, but I still get tired.

I may end up with a few more blisters than I was expecting, but I am looking forward to the event. Camera will be ready and tissues will be carried...maybe an entire box. My list of people I will carry with me keeps getting longer. I can no longer use two hands for the amount of people I know with breast cancer. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please feel free to feel your boobies!

Rich's mission

While I have been busy training for the Breast Cancer 3 Day, my husband has decided to train for a mini triathlon. With a good friend to push him to the limits....he ran, swam and biked his waistline off. His goal was to finish the event, even if it involved coming in last. He finish with lightning striking...literally! A storm blew in and the swimmers were asked to get out of the pool. After 3 months without a drop of booze, we celebrate at Legends. He can scratch this even off his bucket list. I can honestly say, this one is not on my list. My list involves no physical limitations....put me on a beach can keep the beverages flowing! I am proud of his accomplishment...did I mention he wants to do more? Now I am married to crazy!