Prayers of Friendship

I was blessed on May 12, 2008 to have met Karla Tesch. She and I met at a Look Good Feel Better program sponsored by the American Cancer Society. Karla and I had decided on the same chemo treatment. We spent many hours on the phone conversing about the side effects we were each enduring. Her biggest pet peeve...crooked wigs.

Karla and her husband are the most devout Christians I have ever met. I do believe she was placed into my life to help me find my spiritual side. Sometimes when you have nothing else to go on, you need to find faith. She was loving, funny and most of all, calming.

Karla's health took a turn over Christmas. She passed away on Monday afternoon. Her husband, Jack, spoke with me on Monday night. She went peacefully. It was their 39th wedding anniversary on Monday. Jack shared with me that every year they renew their wedding vows. She was able to find the strength to renew their vows during her last moments. Love and faith conquer all.

May you find peace and comfort from above. You will be missed.

Time to Celebrate

The Thanksgiving Turkey has been eaten, along with the leftovers and Santa Clause has come and gone. Shopping and wrapping were finished prior to Christmas Eve, so it made the holidays not so stressful.

Maia and I attended Christmas Eve mass with Rich. After the service we headed to the Kondikoff's for Eve festivities.

Maia slept until almost 8:00 in the morning, which is remarkable for a child knowing Santa came the night before! I was fighting off a bug, so I was a little under the weather on Christmas Day. Maia enjoyed her videos, baby dolls and WII games. Santa was good to Rich and I as well. Maia gave him the watch he sent to have repaired a few months back. It was his father's, so the sentimental value was gracious. We enjoyed the rest of Christmas Day at John & Mom's.

This season also gave me time to wonder where the past year has gone. Many of the months are foggy, but I think it is the body's way of dealing with pain. I spent the beginning of December with a major case of depression. I figured it may have happened sooner or later, but not the way I expected it. There are times in your life when you need to bite the bullet and seek help. I guess there is no better time than the present. I spent the past nine months running on survival mode, but never took the time to deal with the emotional side of cancer. It caught up to me. We all know how to grieve for the loss of a parent, friend and even pet. No one ever tells us how to grieve for ourselves. We think of it as being selfish and we can deal with it on our own. Grief will get you when you least expect it.

It was an eye-opening experience. I spent many hours with therapists and have a much better understanding. I wish I would have had the tools and information months ago...it would have saved my sanity!

We are looking forward to a New Year and a new life beginning. The small things in life have become wondrous. Time for ourselves in needed and it is ok to leave the dishes in the sink.

Holiday Visits

The weeks have gone by and the holidays are among us. Rich's father, Joseph, came to visit for Thanksgiving. Rich, Maia, Joe and Mary(Rob's mom) made a 13 hour drive to visit frigid Colorado. Maia enjoyed time with Crissy, Rob and her niece, Shelby. Rich was happy to have four generations together for a few photos. They ventured to the "North Pole" to check on Maia's Christmas list. It was the 2nd time in Maia's life she touched snow!

The family made it home just in time to get ready for Turkey Day. The turkey was perfect and so was the company. The entire family was here and our dear friends, Jenn & Jose, survived another holiday with us. Love you both!

We spent the following days after Thanksgiving dragging out the Christmas decorations. The tree is up and decorated, the lights are hanging on the outside of the house and Maia is patiently waiting to decorate the gingerbread house I purchased. We have a few holiday parties to attend this weekend. And the season begins...

3 Day Affair

Walkers from all over the country came to Phoenix for a great cause....to bring awareness to Breast Cancer. Rich was one of those walkers...he walked for his mother, his sister and me. He was asked to carry a flag during opening and closing ceremonies. He did not turn that opportunity down! Thousands of people, but Team W.I.S.H. stands out, neon green. As flags were placed to the East, the sun was cresting over the hill as the walkers started their 3 Day journey through a set of inspirational flags. A full moon was in the sky to the west. Perfect way to begin a long 60 miles. Maia and I joined a large group of supports on Saturday at a cheering station along the route. People dressed up, made signs, drove by waiving pink flags, cars adorned with ribbons for the Cause. It was great motivation for the weary cause setters!

The camp area was for crew mates and walkers only. Rich was asked to give a speech on Saturday evening. In a sea of pink tents and in front of 3,000 walkers, he spoke from the heart.

Sunday afternoon arrived and so did Rich with a twisted ankle. He managed to make it 60 miles without a problem. He twisted it about a mile from the stadium. He was determined to make it into the stadium and carry his flag for closing ceremonies. I did not make the 60 mile journey this year. The emotion standing on the field was incredible. Energy, exhaustion, commitment and sorrow could be felt standing there. Crew members enter the stadium followed by walkers. The area in front of the stage was filled. Survivors filled the center circle. In the midst of energy and emotion, one shoe is taken off by the walkers and held in the air. Amazing symbolism..

Rich was the last flag to take the stage. Maia and I followed and took our place next to him along with the other guests. Looking out into a crowd of people is very overwhelming. Fulfillment is to see neon green shirts amongst the crowd. With all but one flag presented, survivors in the center circle raised the last flag. Let's find the cure

Not our choice

I spent this afternoon with a young woman I met while in chemo. She called me late last night to tell me she was in the hospital due to respiratory problems. I could hear in her voice last night she just needed someone to talk to. I went to the hospital to see her this afternoon. She was so delighted to see a visitor, someone to relate to, someone to talk with. She and her family have basically nothing and earn below poverty level. She has struggled to balance health and home, but health is slowly deteriorating. Heartbreaking.

The smile that came to her face when she saw me was like no other. It seemed as if a twinkle of hope sparked her from within. The realization of cancer is it does not matter what you do for a living, what you earn, how you live...all fears are the same. As a mother, we want our children to be cared for. As a spouse, we want our spouses to know we appreciate all they do while we are feeling ill. As a patient, we want to know we are going to be in good hands of doctors. I thank the wonderful nun that came to visit her today. Sister Gabriella has a family that will be adopting her family over the holiday season. God has worked miracles again. I hope he can work a miracle for her recovery.

On my drive home today, I planned on contacting a woman I met at the Look Good Feel Better Class. Karla is an amazing woman. She and I were at the opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to hair, but her determination and humor kept her going. I wish we had more opportunities to meet, but our surgical/chemo schedules left them to phone conversations.

I got home today, unloaded my stuff, played the answering machine, dug for my phonebook to call Karla. On my machine was a message from her husband, letting me know the cancer spread to her liver. My heart dropped. I sat down and realized this is not our choice of illness, but it is our choice to survive. I pray for her treatment to be successfull.

Start your engines...

NASCAR weekend rolled into Phoenix. Rich and I headed out to PIR for another enjoyable NASCAR weekend. I had got upclose with Clint Boyer and had him autograph my jacket. My Pop-Pop was a huge racing fan, so I take his jacket to every race. Our seat were between the start/finish line and turn one...so we had a great view of the track. A few rain drops and high winds made it a little chilly, but it was a great race. Jimmy Johnson took the checker, so I was happy! The look on Maia's face was even better when she saw the photo above. This is as close as I will ever get! Can't wait until April!

Walking beside me...

A few weeks ago, I took part in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. The relay started at 6PM and went until 6 AM( I made it until about 3 AM and crashed!) The theory behind the walk is "cancer does not sleep." Then again, neither do the patients going through chemo...damn steroids!

Survivors(in the photo is Karen, myself and Linda) had the honor to walk the first lap around the track, families join for the send lap and remainder of participants join for the third lap. Around 10PM, the luminary ceremony took place. Luminaries could be purchased, decorated in memory of a loved one, lit and are placed around the inside track. In the grandstands, they spell out "Hope & Cure" with plain luminaries. It looked beautiful. Rich and I purchased two, one in memory of his mother and one in memory of my grandmother.

When I was about six or seven, I had an autograph book I got at Disney World. My Grams had written a poem in the book. Years ago, I took the poem from my long kept autograph book, and put it in a frame. It has remained either next to my bed or my dresser for many years. I have never seen the poem written in any book, nor have I heard it spoken. It is very dear to me.

Upon walking the luminaries lap, a gentleman took the stand to explain this was a time to remember those lost and those still battling. He began with the wonderful poem my Grams had written in my autograph book. I burst into tears. With goosebumps down my body, standing motionless, I knew she was with me. Never doubt your angels, they show up when you least expect it, or when you need them the most.